*This post was originally posted 04/7/2015 and later restored to be republished. Read about that here. It may or may not contain original photos used.
I don’t really date, but when I do, it rarely goes anywhere
I recently started back communicating with someone I deleted from my contacts. Listen, I will block someone with quickness. They don’t even have to know I blocked them. But it just gives me a little satisfaction and makes me feel like I did something powerful that they received the doings of my wrath. Start blocking people and you will feel like you did something MAJOR.
I have become the “cut off” chick amongst my friends; you know, the one who does not think twice before ending things with a guy. It simply means: I learned when to let a guy go…with ease…for good…within abbreviated periods of time…..with little to no lapses.
“How do you do it?”
“I wish I could be like that.”
My girlfriends asks me how I appear to give no fucks. Majority of the time the appearance rings true and then there are those instances where I am going through the cutting-off process. Dating is not my worst nightmare, putting myself in a situation where I lose myself over a guy is. It has happened. But here is my secret on how I can cut someone off with ease and you can too: Emotion Insurance.
Sounds hella’ crazy right? What does that even mean? I’m going to explain it the same way I do to my friends.
When you acquire things you get protection for it right? Homes, cars, businesses, gadgets, appliances, you purchase insurance plans “in case” something happens. These things are important to you, precious even. That’s how I enter every situation I have with a guy who has potential to be something serious. I have a protection plan to safeguard myself. When you walk into something 100%, you’re willing to lose 100%. You walk in 50%, you lose 50. I don’t walk into anything giving everything that I have. This is not being guarded. This is not having a wall up. When I have this “emotional insurance” on myself, I’m still vulnerable. Just because I buy flood coverage for my home, doesn’t mean my home won’t flood.
I look at comparing relationships to investments because it is your daily life. I’ve had to feel like a heartbroken fool in the past to start thinking how can I not walk into something and leave feeling empty or stupid or played or salty. So when I explain this to my friends, I use these analogies to show how you always need a back up plan. So, when I meet someone who could be serious I already have my coverage plan intact. I am not walking into something with a guard up from the jump nor am I putting up a wall to test a guy on how far he’s willing to tear it down.
Let’s be honest. Let’s be real. We live in a society where there are double standards. We live in an age where social media has redefined privacy. We live in a world where men don’t want to admit they’re just as emotional as women.
What also helps me to not be so hung up on a guy is, I don’t take everyone I met serious. I think this is so major. All it takes is one day to meet someone who is super cool and think the connection was just undeniable. Mhm, I’ve been there. My bestfriend and I thought we met our soul mates a random weekend downtown in college. If you take every single person you meet serious and think something is going to come out it, it won’t. How many times have we seen someone through tears say, “I gave you my all, everything!” We can be so quick to give up so much of ourselves so fast that we don’t realize just how much of that we lose if (when) shit hits the fan. If I met a guy and initially go 100% for him and 6 months down the line it’s over, I’ve already invested so much of myself into “us” that I’m caught up now. I now have to go through the motions of getting over him. That’s why I protect myself from the start, so if we don’t work, it didn’t work and it’s done. It’s not about being emotionless, it’s about being smart. I’m not saying only care about yourself but you can’t depend on the other person to be considerate of you–your welfare is your priority. Emotional insurance isn’t set up for mind games, it’s to help have an easier time getting over a breakup.
If you’re checking your exe’s Instagram and Twitter months after it’s over you’re way too emotionally invested because if not, why would you care? You could meet someone who doesn’t live in the same area. You can meet someone who has a “questionable” career. Just how your coverage plan would vary at different carriers, it’s circumstantial and flexible.
Do I want to stop talking to someone and worry about whether he’s worrying about me or just keep it moving and let things happen naturally?
Get a plan.
Note: I am no love expert. Simply a 23-year-old young woman with a no bullshit complex.