I had an entire post wrote out— 1,300 words already formatted and ready for publication to be exact. But in my zillionth final read of my post before I actually hit publish something changed. I was just saying a bunch of fluffy shit. I didn’t feel like those 1,300 words needed to explain why I quit my job. To put it very briefly: I left my job due to my high ethical beliefs that integrity and morals meant more to me than a paycheck.
The end of December, I found out I really didn’t matter to my job as much as I thought I did. I found myself having to choose to between my principles or livelihood. My last day happened to be the same week I came back from a three-day vacation and the last Friday before Christmas. I quit rather abruptly with no backup plan; so, I had no idea where or when my next paycheck was going to come. I walked away from a job just two months before receiving my PTO because I knew I deserved better. As as an adult sometimes you have to make adult decisions even if it means it’ll cost you your job.
Literally six months before I quit, I drafted a blog post in my Notes app titled, “Why I quit my job”, I kid you not it was exactly six months to the date. I think I felt passionless that day. My job was economically fulfilling but spiritually unfulfilling. But I stuck it out because you know, I had bills and shit. Then six months later, my job confirmed to me how little I mattered to them and then I was like, well fuck this shit. I had two options: 1) stay at a job where I know felt uncomfortable or 2) take my woke, creative, fabulous, intelligent, stylish, magical, and college-educated ass away from a company that didn’t respect my presence. So, I left.
I don’t regret my decision at all because working for a company that saw me as a replaceable name badge is not a company where I want to spend 8 hours of my day. Was deciding to quit my job easy? Sorta. I mean I hate that my bank account is suffering but my spirit was suffering. I was overqualified, but underpaid, and worked under the label of the cute administrative assistant. Forget that I received my bachelor’s from a well-respected and top-rated journalism and mass communications school in the country.
But this is what I want to share with you from my experience and maybe I can help someone out.
1). Don’t let anyone define who the fuck you are.
2). Stand up for yourself.
3). When you know your worth, you know how to work.
4). Don’t let anyone make you feel inferior based off labels they have boxed you in due to their superficial analysis of you as a person; you are not two-dimensional.
5). There are other jobs and 49 other states in the country.
6). Shit, make your own damn job!
I’m actually trying to figure out that last one.
You know broke and unemployed is NOT how I saw my 2018 starting but, eh it’s how it started. My 2017 was a semi-depressing year for a reason I may dabble with if I ever get this whole podcast thing off the ground. Well if I ever get it off the ground, just being honest. I also tossed the whole I-should-probably-stop-using-profanity-before-I-have-kids-so-I-can-be-a-saint-mom out the window because dammit sometimes shit/damn/mothafucka/let me over bitch/use your fucking blinkers just makes better sense. That felt gewd.
But uhm if you want me to get churchy and say some real deep philosophic words of endearment, I got you.
Initially, when I was going through the whole job fiasco I felt defeated as fuck. I felt as if I was going up against a machine—a giant—and no matter how many angles I tried to get its attention I felt hopeless like I won’t win. You want to give up and accept defeat because no one cares and the machine just keeps moving like you were never there like you didn’t even matter like you don’t even exist.
Sometimes you get a little discouraged and worried that God is overlooking you. You’re looking around and everyone is celebrating a promotion, new career, baby announcement, graduation, new business venture(s), anniversaries, engagement, wedding and you feel left out and behind. I know how that feels and I’m right there too wondering when my season when come.
When I was going through that whole job fiasco, I remembered a sermon from church years ago (yes I go to church, don’t get it twisted) when the pastor said, “When God is for you, he’s more than the world against you.”
I heard that same message in church again the following Sunday after I quit and I felt I was right where I needed to be to hear what I needed to hear. Sometimes God is the only one who knows the truth besides you, but you feel like it’s just you against the world and that’s not true because God is right there if you let Him walk with you and carry the burden. And boy did I carry some burdens 2017.
So those churchy philosophic words of endearment? Meditate. Pray. Read Psalms 145. Repeat.
(Gah dammit this is right under 1,100 words! Damn.)
(P.S.S. Yes, I created the feature image. Don’t be stealing my creative shit.)