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Discovering How You Self Validate Your Worth

Discovering How You Self Validate Your Worth

self-validate validation motivation self worth

“You are good and all good things come to you.”

That’s what I told myself 2 nights before a big job interview when I found myself drifting off to Land of Validation. Well, let me explain what I mean. Let’s go back in time.

The day before I secured this interview, I had a major revelation: My job search was not only to secure a means to support myself but a way to validate my worth.

I thought this once before but brushed it off until recently when it came back full force. I wanted a job to validate myself andneeded validation that I am good and valuable. So, before I went to bed that night I prayed…

God, please let me stop seeking a job to validate my worth and instead help me believe in myself more and that a job will enhance my assets. 

-Kayla

Basically, I prayed differently. Instead of asking God the same old prayer of sending me a job, I specified what I want God to do for me. My epiphany allowed me to see myself clearer and that I was going about this job search all wrong. I thought to myself maybe that’s why I was having such a difficult time landing an offer. Yes, I was booking interviews but none of the interviews resulted in an offer. The more that happened the less optimistic I became and the more hellbent I became on the philosophy that a job would dramatically improve my life. I truly believed that a job would make me better.

The day after my revelation and I prayed to stop seeking validation from a job, I got a job interview request. Then shortly after that, I received an email that another job moved my application to the next round. Then a week later, I set up an interview for another job. The only difference between advancing to the next step with these 3 positions than all the others before was my mindset. I realized that at some point my job search goals shifted and I was reprogramming my mind to stop relying on securing a job to prove something. My job search just wasn’t about employment anymore, it was motivated by my desire to prove my worth.

Then it all started coming down on me like being caught in the rain with no umbrella.

You don’t need a job to feel valuable.

You don’t need a job to be more active in church.

You don’t need a job to travel.

You don’t need a job to be busy.

You don’t need a job to fulfill you boo, but you think that you do.

In some strange way I was doing more than job searching–I was kind of soul searching. I mean don’t get wrong, I don’ts plays bouts my soul, BUT I was losing myself in the job search. 

Then I started thinking about all the ways we as humans seek validation—money, intimacy, work, social media, friendships, love—and how these are all external forms of validation. Then I started thinking of the difference between motivation and validation as it pertained to my situation and noticed that in this circumstance the two were different. 

Motivation the will and validation the affirmation.

So I looked up motivation and came across extrinsic and intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is looking for outside/external factors to generate feelings. Intrinsic motivation is the complete opposite by looking for the will to do or feel a certain way from within you. Long reasons why shortened, it’s healthier to have an imbalance of more intrinsic than extrinsic motivation.

Sometimes it’s really, really, really hard to find that motivation within yourself to accomplish tasks ranging from big to small. For example, THIS blog post you’re reading right now was dragged out over a course of days. And even on day I finished it, I took several breaks.

It’s important to be cognizant of where we seek validation because that can be external and internal as well. Let’s look at some examples in the form of questions.

Ask yourself this: Do I feel good about myself and all the work I did because my boss said “good job”? Or do I feel good about myself because I know I worked hard and my boss recognized my hard work?

Think of this way: Do I feel pretty because all my IG comments say I’m pretty? Or do I know that I’m pretty because I have high confidence and just enjoy posting pictures of myself?

In each of those scenarios the content stays the same but the thought process is difference, which is the basis of external and internal validation.

When it comes to me I had to ask myself this: Will a job solve my problems? Or do I already possess the skills to solve my problems myself?

Answer to first question: It depends.

Answer to the second question: Yes.

Once I started to see that my job search was partly driven by my belief that a job would quickly resolve my life problems, I started to reprogram my mindset. Listen validation can come from anywhere, but the most important source is how YOU feel about you. You have the power within you to change your life. 

You want to know why validation from external sources like social media, relationships, friends, jobs, and money aren’t promising? Because they come and go. Social media is constantly changing and is powered by trends. Relationships and friendships are sometimes seasonal. Jobs don’t always offer security. And we all know just like we earn money, we can lose money. But the one thing that will remain constant in your life is YOU. So ask yourself in what ways do you seek validation.

In case you find yourself struggling on recognizing your self worth and notice that you listed yourself at the bottom of the list remember this: You are good and all good things come to you.

Kay


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